The Quandary of the Safe Space
in a world of safe space declarations
When I hear someone say “this is a safe space”, I don’t believe them as my default response.
SAFE SPACE has become synonymous with group work in the era of wellness and healing and personal transformation. “This is a safe space”.
A phrase that declares safety, rather than creates safety.
A phrase that denounces the requirement for relational safety, ignores the reality of how nervous systems function, overlooks the innumerable number of variables present in any group situation, gives the facilitator a false sense of responsible leadership and sets up group members to ignore interoceptive cues that are needed to actually keep them safe.
‘Felt safety’ is what we’re attempting to remind group participants of whenever we declare a safe space.
I mean, for the most part groups sessions are *literally* safe. We don’t say “this is a safe space” so that participants won’t fear a rogue dog bursting into the room and biting off their leg, or a roof fan flying off the roof and chopping someone in half or a car screeching through the wall and wiping out the entire room.
We say “this is a safe space” so that people feel able to share openly, trust that the process will be healthy and helpful, that they can engage actively in the process without concerns and that the facilitator has #GotYou™.
What we won’t focus on in this article – although is enragingly and prolifically true – is that many facilitators using the words “safe space” are in fact grooming, gaslighting, influencing, hurting under the guise of healing, recruiting, culting, patronising and worse. Much worse.
What we will focus on in this article are some of the ways we can actually create a space that feels as safe as possible, which is the best we can do when it comes to the magical unicorn that is safety-in-a-group-setting.
What is felt safety?
It is the bodies *perceived* sense of safety. A feeling based on emotions, sensory input, relational safety and interoception.
We can be in literal safety but still FEEL unsafe, like when the energy in a room is tension filled, when we’re given instructions that we didn’t fully understand but didn’t ask clarifying questions about, when we’re about to step into a conversation with a family member that we know will be abrasive and draining.
Likewise we can be in actual unsafe situations yet our body FEELS safe, like when we’ve endured such aggressive behaviour from a partner for so long that we’re immune to their imminent danger or when the adrenaline surges want us to jump off a bridge without checking how deep the water is.
Being safe can feel unsafe and not being safe can feel safe.
The brain truly has no ideal of reality – only it’s own perceived sense of it based on the cues it accumulates.
Based on this reality it is EXCEPTIONALLY important that we use every piece of information at our disposal to determine TRUE safety, as best we can.
And being told that we are safe is at the bottom of the list of cues. Especially when the person telling us this is someone we don’t know, trust or have established relational safety with.
It is irresponsible of us to declare a safe space. Because the people in our care who are vulnerable, who’ve never been taught to listen to their cues or follow their instincts and sensitivities will often believe us.
And our declaration of safety can perpetuate their inability to autonomously detect safety cues.
A trauma informed approach does not declare a space safe, but it helps people understand what safety is, how to assess it, and then how to move forward based on what they feel.
to be continued…